When I hear mothers saying,’ My life’, ‘My lifeline’, ‘Mypurpose of life’ etc., about their sons, I know in my heart that it is the
recipe for destruction of the sons’ lives. Surprisingly, I don’t hear same
thing about daughters, may be they are supposed to belong to another family
after marriage. Usually it is ‘My princess’. Even this is dangerous, unless it
is explained to the child that ‘You are princess for me, but in the world, you
are just another human being, like everyone else.’
It is critical to understand that ‘Children come through us,
but they don’t belong to us’. It is a responsibility that Nature bestows, to
raise a balanced human being, for 16 to 18 years. Then it is time to see a
child as another human being with his/her own life path to choose, to make
his/her own destiny.
There are many mothers who like to tie sons to their apron
strings. They don’t want the sons to be
self reliant, but love them to be dependent on mothers so that they can
experience a sense of worthiness. Such mothers take pride in saying, ‘My son
doesn’t even take water himself to drink, I serve him’, or ‘My son doesn’t even
know how to prepare tea’.
At your service, my son
My friend had gone for a week to spend time with her married
daughter. On coming back, she washed all the dirty clothes of her bachelor son
that he had worn for the week. I told her, ‘This is how you sow the seeds to
create friction in your son’s life. After his marriage when his wife goes to
her parent’s house for a week, do you expect her to wash his one week’s soiled
clothes on coming back? Especially if she is a working wife?’ She just smiled
and brushed it off. Another friend of mine used to give full body oil massage
and bath for her teenage son on Sundays.
Once the son is married, mother wants to retain her control
over the son. Many are not ready to give the daughters-in-law their rights as a
wives. I am surprised to see that this is prevalent even in educated and high
class society. So the mothers start getting so many diseases, one after the
other so that the son has to spend time and give attention to her requirements.
In such case, the mothers never seem to become totally healthy. When one
problem is solved, another pops up immediately. Or the same problem never gets
solved. Being an alternative therapist, I get to see many cases like this.
Take backstage, gracefully
Quite often, sons are torn between their wives and mothers.
They lose their mental peace, sound sleep and may get health problems. They
need to realise that when mothers are not happy, it is just their mental attitude.
If they think that by their actions, mothers will become happy, it is never going to
happen. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t care for their mothers. They should
perform whatever duties they are supposed to be doing, but just not be bothered if mothers
are still unhappy or keep complaining.
Life with mother in the central stage is a phase in life. The
remaining part of his life is to be spent with wife. So after marriage, the
mother’s place has to be backstage.
The healthy family equation
An important fact children need to be made aware of is that
parents are the main unit of the family and children are just part of the
family. But this is seldom seen in today’s nuclear families, especially in
single child families!
1 comment:
My mother is my enemy, a destructive force: She never wanted to take backstage and chose guilt and conflict, like is often the case in Italian families. My father was distance and did not make his part in helping my mother take backstage.
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