When I hear mothers saying,’ My life’, ‘My lifeline’, ‘Mypurpose of life’ etc., about their sons, I know in my heart that it is the recipe for destruction of the sons’ lives. Surprisingly, I don’t hear same thing about daughters, may be they are supposed to belong to another family after marriage. Usually it is ‘My princess’. Even this is dangerous, unless it is explained to the child that ‘You are princess for me, but in the world, you are just another human being, like everyone else.’
It is critical to understand that ‘Children come through us, but they don’t belong to us’. It is a responsibility that Nature bestows, to raise a balanced human being, for 16 to 18 years. Then it is time to see a child as another human being with his/her own life path to choose, to make his/her own destiny.
There are many mothers who like to tie sons to their apron strings. They don’t want the sons to be self reliant, but love them to be dependent on mothers so that they can experience a sense of worthiness. Such mothers take pride in saying, ‘My son doesn’t even take water himself to drink, I serve him’, or ‘My son doesn’t even know how to prepare tea’.
At your service, my son
My friend had gone for a week to spend time with her married daughter. On coming back, she washed all the dirty clothes of her bachelor son that he had worn for the week. I told her, ‘This is how you sow the seeds to create friction in your son’s life. After his marriage when his wife goes to her parent’s house for a week, do you expect her to wash his one week’s soiled clothes on coming back? Especially if she is a working wife?’ She just smiled and brushed it off. Another friend of mine used to give full body oil massage and bath for her teenage son on Sundays.
Once the son is married, mother wants to retain her control over the son. Many are not ready to give the daughters-in-law their rights as a wives. I am surprised to see that this is prevalent even in educated and high class society. So the mothers start getting so many diseases, one after the other so that the son has to spend time and give attention to her requirements. In such case, the mothers never seem to become totally healthy. When one problem is solved, another pops up immediately. Or the same problem never gets solved. Being an alternative therapist, I get to see many cases like this.
Take backstage, gracefully
Quite often, sons are torn between their wives and mothers. They lose their mental peace, sound sleep and may get health problems. They need to realise that when mothers are not happy, it is just their mental attitude. If they think that by their actions, mothers will become happy, it is never going to happen. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t care for their mothers. They should perform whatever duties they are supposed to be doing, but just not be bothered if mothers are still unhappy or keep complaining.
Life with mother in the central stage is a phase in life. The remaining part of his life is to be spent with wife. So after marriage, the mother’s place has to be backstage.
The healthy family equation
An important fact children need to be made aware of is that parents are the main unit of the family and children are just part of the family. But this is seldom seen in today’s nuclear families, especially in single child families!