Screams from your liver and kidneys

An injury to my left palm

When I was closing the windows at home on 12^th November 2018, my left palm got caught in between and a small portion of skin got crushed. I gave Reiki immediately to subdue the pain and for healing to start. I knew it would take at least three weeks to heal.

                                            Healing progressing- 24 November 2018
Usually, the injured portion gets inflamed, swollen, then it gradually dries up and falls off as new skin regenerates beneath it.

Autophaging

Our human body is a self-healing machine par excellence. If the body’s intelligence is left to operate, it can set right any problem it encounters, majority of which are due to our negligence and carelessness. All the body needs is just time and co-operation from us.

That the body eats up the damaged and diseased cells has been proven in 2016 by Yoshinori Ohsumi,which led to him winning the Nobel prize in Physiology of Medicine. 

The word 'autophagy' — from the Greek for 'self-eating' — was coined in 1963 by the Belgian biochemist Christian de Duve, who saw how cells broke down their parts inside a waste-processing sac that he called a lysosome. Biologists now understand that this process is fundamentally important to living cells.

"Without autophagy our cells won't survive," says Juleen Zierath, a physiologist at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm who was on the selection committee for the medicine Nobel. When cells are starved, they can consume their own proteins for fuel. The same degradation process can be used to eliminate damaged proteins and organelles — effectively, to renew cells and clear out debris — or to ward off invading bacteria and viruses.Disruptions in autophagy have been linked to Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes and other disorders. It is now known that fasting provides the greatest known boost to autophagy.

Fasting is actually far more beneficial than just stimulating autophagy. It does two good things. By stimulating autophagy, we are clearing out all our old, junky proteins and cellular parts. At the same time, fasting also stimulates growth hormone, which tells our body to start producing some new snazzy parts for the body. We are really giving our bodies a complete renovation.

To activate autophagy

Remember, autophagy is turned on when your body is in stress response mode. Stressing your cells is the natural way to turn on autophagy. You can do this through intermittent fasting and protein cycling to create nutrient deprivation in your cells. You can also create cellular stress in the body through exercise.

For performing this function, the body should be freed from other functions like digestion. This means a 12 hour fasting is required every day for the body to do the overhauling function. And you have an optimum functioning body. Isn’t it great?

The thought that crossed my mind

It came to my mind that I do 12 hour fast daily. After my dinner of a small bowl of fruits at about 7.30 pm, I have my breakfast at 9.15 am. That meant I was letting my body to do its job of cleaning up. If it can eat up damaged cells from inside the body, I thought it should be able to absorb the inflamed drying up part of my skin in the injured area. I would consider it as the proof of autophaging mechanism.

And it really happened

 To my pleasant surprise, I noticed that the injured area was getting shrunken and disappearing slowly. Just look at on 2^nd December 2018, twenty days after the injury. It is almost gone, being absorbed by the body! 

Two days later, it is totally resorbed.

Be considerate to your liver and kidneys

If we don’t allow the body to do its autophaging function, a whole lot of stress comes to the liver and kidneys that do the clean-up job. When we overstuff ourselves with food, and daily medicines (which are chemicals and need to be expelled on a daily basis), liver and kidneys suffer from backlog work. This is why many people go for liver and kidney failure these days!

References:

-          https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/medicine/2016/ohsumi/lecture/

-          https://www.nature.com/news/medicine-nobel-for-research-on-how-cells-eat-themselves-1.20721

-          https://thechalkboardmag.com/what-is-autophagy-intermittent-fasting-process

-          https://www.dietdoctor.com/renew-body-fasting-autophagy

Bhojan (Eating) as a Sadhana

Food is required for the nourishment of our physical body, or the ‘Annamayakosha’. If we consider our mealtimes as a sadhana, satvik energy will enrich our body.

Mealtimes for meditation

I make my mealtimes meditation times. For this to happen, first of all, one should eat when one is hungry. How many of us experience hunger on a day to day basis? Many are in the habit of eating before the previous meal has fully digested. If one is hungry, his/her body and mind are waiting in all eagerness to receive the food, which becomes like ‘Amrit’ (nectar).

On the other hand, when food is reaching the body which is not hungry, it acts as a poison to the body.

Mealtimes as ‘Seva’

The fact that somebody is dying every second from lack of food and hunger makes my inner self cringe, even from my childhood. I used the same argument to develop the habit of not wasting food in my children.

            Does this picture come to our mind while overeating or throwing away food?

About a decade back, the thought came to me that if mentally I offer a portion of my food to somebody anywhere in the world who is hungry at that time, that should work as energetically we are all one. Then it became my habit, though I did not have any proof that it works.

Proof for the theory

My mother was having some health issues and for two months she was having only two glasses of tender coconut water daily, no other food or drinks. During every meal that I had during that period, I was mentally offering nutrients to her.

Later when I met my chachi (father’s younger brother’s wife) who stayed in the adjacent house of my parents' place and who used to visit them every day, told me that even though my mother was having just the coconut water, there was no dearth of energy noticed. When I told what I was doing for my mother, she was awestruck that such a thing is possible!

So it is a good idea on humanitarian grounds to rever the food we are getting and menally offer a part of it to somebody who is hungry at that time anywhere in the world. 

Blocking progress?

Two decades back when I got a chance to meet the legend in Endodontics Prof. Herbert Schilder during our official visit to the Boston University, my joy knew no bounds. We had a leisurely discussion on Endodontics, exchanged publications. He gave his publication and I gifted him a copy of the dental publication of which I was the editor at that time. 

He told me that he used to be referred to as ‘Enfant Terrible’, which means a usually young and successful person who is strikingly unorthodox and innovative.

A Pioneer's work

His article ‘Filling root canals in three dimensions’ was published in the DCNA of November 1967. During that time, we had only stainless instruments and they were rigid. Beyond # 25, each instrument will be transporting the canal. In spite of the knowledge that the apical sizes were always larger than #25, instrumentation with larger instruments beyond this size in severely curved canals was not possible. So it was # 25 that instrumented to the full working length in many curved canals. This Prof. Schilder described as ‘keeping the apical size as small as practical’ and this was due to the rigidity of the instruments.

Then there were two methods of obturation technique that dentists followed. One group used silver points, as a # 25 silver point could be pushed to the working length due to its rigidity (same size gutta percha will buckle and won’t go the full length), and lateral condensation with gutta percah points. The other group followed Schilder’s technique of vertical condensation. Silver point is not the material of choice for obturation as it corrodes with time, and the vertical condensation also had its limitation since the heated gutta percha when cools, there will always be shrinkage. 

We discussed that it will be nice if the apical sizes could be enlarged and cleaned without compromising other parts of the canal system. That he was very much concerned about the cleaning and disinfection is the canal is proven by his colleague, Harold J. Levin, a professor of Endodontics at Boston University, who recalled that Dr. Schilder had stressed the importance of thoroughly cleaning out a tooth's infected interior.

Meeting another Legend

When I had the good fortune to attend a five day Endodontics course by Prof. Steve Senia in San Antonio, Texas  in 2004, I was introduced to the LightSpeed instruments which were non tapered and extremely flexible, which could finally give a biologically optimal apical preparation. Immediately I thought that Prof. Schilder would be happy to incorporate this in root canal treatment. I did not know at that time that he retired from Boston University in 2003.

Another revolution subdued

Prof. Schilder brought a revolution in Endodontics in the 60’s, and I am sure he would have helped to bring in the next revolution when non tapered, extremely flexible root canal rotary instruments became available. That was not to happen, as his health deteriorated in his later years and he died of  Lewy body disease, a brain malady, on 25 January 2006.

Those who admire and respect Prof. Schilder should appreciate he was for the progress of Science and open up their minds. Instead if we just adhere to what he propagated, which was relevant at one point in time, it will be blocking progress!

Violating your body’s rhythm

On 21^st November 2018 at around 8 pm, two days before the full moon day, I was standing with my husband on the terrace to enjoy the moon light and to absorb energy of the almost full moon. When we came down, I got this message on whatsapp, “Hi Mam, I stay a few houses down the lane from your home… I noticed that your home has no light outside..why is it like that Mam? The whole colony is lighted up and you are very spiritual...”

I asked her, “Can you imagine how the street would have looked, bathed in the cool moon light, if only they hadn’t put on those harsh artificial lights?”

We are in the solar system

Since we are in the solar system, our bodily functions are regulated by the circadian rhythm. We know the importance of endocrine glands in maintaining our health and moods. Pineal gland (third eye) is a tiny, yet very important gland that produces various hormones and chemicals that keep us healthy and functioning well. One such hormone is melatonin, which controls our body’s sleep and wake patterns.

Pineal gland has more blood flow per cubic volume than any other organ and it is bathed in highly charged cerebrospinal fluid (CSF). So it may be the gland with the highest concentration of energy in the body. Pineal gland is also the dominant source of the body’s melatonin, which is a hormone that helps regulate circadian rhythms.

Importance of Melatonin, Serotonin

Serotonin influences your mood, cognition and behavior, while melatonin influences your sleep-wake cycle.The precursor to melatonin is serotonin, a neurotransmitter that itself is derived from the amino acid tryptophan. Within the pineal gland, serotonin is acetylated and then methylated to yield melatonin.Thus, low tryptophan levels may decrease serotonin and melatonin levels, leading to detrimental effects.Tryptophan is present in most protein-based foods or dietary proteins. It is particularly plentiful in milk, dried dates, yogurt, cottage cheese, oats, eggs, fish, sesame, chickpeas, almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, buckwheat, spirulina, and peanuts.

The pineal gland receives and interprets light and darkness signals from the eyes. Chemical messengers translate these signals into the production of melatonin, the hormone that makes you feel sleepy. 

Synthesis and secretion of melatonin is dramatically affected by light exposure to the eyes.Exposure to artificial light after dusk and before bedtime may reduce sleep quality by suppressing production of the hormone melatonin and may also have other negative health effects.

Melatonin- much more to it

Melatonin plays a role in the body's antioxidant defenses and helps regulate blood pressure, body temperature and cortisol levels, as well as sexual and immune function. The main causes of melatonin deficiency are a lack of sleep or anything that disrupts sleep e.g. shift work, late nights, jet lag, alcohol, caffeine, blood sugar imbalances, stress, exposure to light electromagnetic waves and age (some older adults produce no melatonin at all).

This hormone may also influence a wide variety of cellular processes that affect cancer and heart disease.

Increasing infertility in recent times

Melatonin also protects women’s eggs from “oxidative stress,” according to Live Science. A 2014 study found that melatonin has “strong antioxidant properties” that safeguards the egg from “free-radical damage.” Artificial light signals to the pineal gland that it’s time to be awake and causes a decrease in melatonin production, which in turn leaves a woman’s egg with less protection than normal.

Because healthy egg production is the first step to conception and a healthy pregnancy, healthy melatonin levels are crucial to fertility. In fact, poor egg quality is one of the most common causes of infertility.

In an interview with Live Science, RusselJ. Reiter, a professor of cellular biology at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, advised, “If women are trying to get pregnant, maintain at least eight hours of a dark period at night. The light-dark cycle should be regular from one day to the next; otherwise, a woman's biological clock is confused.

Melatonin is also essential to embryonic and fetal development. Thus, a poorly regulated circadian rhythm can have negative effects on both fertility and pregnancy.

Partying hard is damaging our lives

Late night parties at very frequent intervals can play havoc with your body. When you don't get enough sleep, your body naturally releases the stress hormone cortisol.  Too much cortisol in the body starts to break down collagen, a protein that promotes smooth skin and elasticity. Sleep deprivation also may decrease the production of the growth hormones in your body that strengthen the skin and fend off wrinkles, says Dr. David Bank, dermatologist and director of The Center for Dermatology, Cosmetic, and Laser Surgery in Mount Kisco, NY, and author of Beautiful Skin – Every Woman's Guide to Looking Her Best at Any Age. Skimp on sleep and you'll lose the restorative effects that make your skin look young and healthy.

People who suffer from insomnia are found more likely to suffer from major depression than people who sleep regularly, and they are more likely to be overweight. That's probably because sleep deprivation messes with the hormones that regulate your appetite (ghrelin) and tell your brain you're full (leptin), which can lead to chronic overeating.      

Decision-making involves many parts of the brain, and when you don't give your brain enough rest, it functions at half-mast, and you'll end up making poor decisions in life. Brain spontaneously reorganizes information when you rest, which could explain why it's so much harder to focus and come up with ideas when you haven't slept. Sleep loss stresses out your body and mind in a way that causes your blood pressure to spike. Over time, this could damage your arteries, heart, kidneys, and even bring about stroke, loss of vision.

Leading life without discipline has a heavy price to pay!

Duration of daily Reiki healing

When one learns Reiki, unless daily self healing is done, it serves no purpose. Reiki balances every aspect of life, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, and economical. It balances the five elements which the physical body comprises of, balances the right and left side of brain, balances the presence of people in your life to promote spiritual growth etc.,

Equivalent to daily bath

I consider Reiki healing equivalent to daily bath. A bath cleanses the body of dirt and grime. Reiki healing cleanses the mental and emotional bodies of the dirt and impurities accumulated during the day. Since we are in the solar system and our bodily functions follow the circadian rhythm, whatever we do need to be done on a daily basis.

With the rampant use of electronic media, human mind and emotional fields accumulate a lot of impurities and usually they are so much corrupted and hacked. Reiki healing just before going to sleep cleanses the system and a relaxed, rejuvenating sleep is assured. This facilitates repair of the body cells.

Reiki healing in the morning charges the body, mind and soul and fills one with enthusiasm and energy to take on the daily responsibilities with a calm and balanced mind.

Healing time for each chakra

A full body Reiki healing involves passing the healing energy to the crown chakra, and the front and back of the remaining six major chakras, that is, total of 13 points.

On an average, three minutes per chakra is the healing time recommended. Many people who learn Reiki are sensitive to the energy flow. They get sensations of heat, cold, air movement, or sort of numb feeling during the energy flow.

When the hands are kept on the chakra, energy starts to flow, it increases, reaching a peak (when the sensation will be maximum) and then it decreases and finally stops. It is like a wave. When the flow stops, hands can move to the next chakra.

Daily energy requirement varies

Daily energy requirement for all chakras is not same. If somebody had an argument with the boss, and he couldn’t answer back, which he badly wanted to, he would need more Reiki healing to the throat chakra (seat of communication) that day to bring balance.

If a close friend lets you down one day, making you very sad, you need to give more healing to the heart chakra. So each chakra point would need different amount of energy, and hence different period of healing on a daily basis. But this approach is possible only for those who are sensitive to the energy flow.

Average 3 minutes per chakra for others

Three minutes of healing per chakra is advised for others. How to do the timing of three minutes? Listening to music that rings a bell every 3 minutes is used by many.

We do not recommend any external device to help you keep the timing. The ultimate aim of Reiki healing is to reach a stage of total surrender to Reiki, which leads to oneness with the Universe.

The first step in this process is to get in touch with your body, and then your inner self. Once you get used to external guidance, you will never be able to get rid of it.

So, what is the way out?

Multiple approaches are given to people who are not sensitive to the energy flow.

1.       When your hands are at one chakra point for some time, you just feel ‘it is enough now’. Then move to the next point.

2.       On the other hand, you feel like moving to the next point, but the hands don’t feel like moving, that is an indication that more energy is needed for that particular point.

3.       Your hands are in one position for some time, then you heave a sigh- Yes, time to move to the next point.

4.       In your mind you feel that three minutes are over, without looking at the watch or anything. You can move to the next chakra.

‘I need help’

Recently, a Reiki student came with a problem. Though she knew the total Reiki healing time should be 39 minutes, she was finishing in about 5 minutes. She needed some method to time it.

I came up with this solution: I told her to find her breathing rate first. Generally people have 16 breaths (one breath= one inhalation + one exhalation) per minute. Then counting 48 breaths is 3 minutes.

With continuous Reiki practice, we have seen that the breaths become deeper and longer. So I cautioned her to check the breathing rate after two weeks and then make the necessary adjustment

Awareness of breath

 Counting the breaths is not like depending on any external device. This brings awareness of breath, which in turn leads to the awareness of your body. This is equivalent to a meditative state, which further deepens the healing, and lead you on to your spiritual path.

Intuition vs Wishful thinking

When we teach Reiki II to students, it is emphasized that intuition starts developing once Reiki self-healing progresses. If one is already intuitive, it gets a boost. Those who start getting intuitive messages for the first time, it is difficult to distinguish between intuition and wishful thinking, and it is a commonly asked question.

Birds before Tsunami

Birds and animals can sense natural calamities and they move away. Before a Tsunami when the birds are about to fly away, they are not thinking and analyzing, “Is this a wishful thinking or should we really fly away?”

Caught on radar: Thousands of birds took flight minutes before Oklahoma earthquake. 

Although scientists disagree as to whether animal behavior can be used to predict earthquakes and natural disasters, they all agree that it is possible for animals to sense changes in the environment before humans. 

Cats and dogs eating grass

I was amused as a kid when I watched our pet cat eating grass one day. Dogs are also seen eating grass once in a while. It is assumed that dogs eat grass when their stomach is irritated or upset.

Isn’t interesting that animals know what to consume to set their health right, but humans don’t? Every living being is part of Nature and they always get guidance to protect their health and lives.

Dichotomy in humans

Being intellectuals, humans have started to think they are above nature and gradually the layers of ego developed, shutting down the communication. We think we have great powers over Nature and we can manifest things through ‘Law of attraction.’

Through this thinking process, a dichotomy happened between the heart and the head. An intuition gets dropped into the heart and when one is in tune with the body and Nature, action follows immediately. When the intellect or thinking from the brain interferes, there is conflict. One is not able to differentiate whether it is an intuition or a wishful thinking.

It is not easy, but comes with practice

In the earlier stages when one is introduced into the wonderful world of intuition, it is not easy to differentiate between the two. One has to be vigilant and learn from experience. With practice you can be adept at recognizing an intuitive message and will act confidently.

There are some things that can help you in the earlier stages.

1.    When you get an intuition, your mind or innerself will be calm, not agitated.

2.    If you are able to tune into your body, scan your body from head to foot after taking five deep breaths, with closed eyes. If you feel agitation or restlessness in any part, it is a wishful thinking

3.    Close your eyes and go deep inside. Do you experience peace within, then it is an intuition.

4.    If your mind is trying to find justification to follow through, it is just a wishful thinking

Going in circles

“Why is my life going in circles?”

“Why can’t I achieve what I set my intention on?”

“Why is there too much turbulence in my life?”

These are common questions I get to hear from my clients. There is too much turbulence in life because when something good happens, we are overjoyed and want to party hard. When something unpleasant happens, we sink into the bottomless pit of depression and sorrow. This type of behaviour can be compared to the movement of the outer rim of a wheel. It is always in motion.

When we are at the periphery, whatever decisions we make, or actions we take, are liable to be fallacious because they are coming from a wrong foothold. Each future moment is born from the present moment. When the present moment itself is full of turmoil, how can one hope that the future will bring success and peace?

But, take a look at the center of the wheel- it is static and stable. In life, from the incessant peripheral movement, inch by inch, we have to move toward the center. Once there, you will experience the inner peace and stability. You will gradually realise that there is no control over the external incidents. But with practice, we can decide on how we let those external incidents affect our internal environment. We can choose to respond, instead of reacting, maintaining our inner peace.

Moving toward the center

What will help us to move toward the center of this wheel of life? By being in total awareness of whatever we are doing, or being totally present in the here and now.

When we are totally involved in our actions, there are three advantages:

1.       The outcome of our action will be the best

2.       We do not get tired or bored

3.       Time will pass so quickly that you won’t even come to know

So, bringing total awareness into all your actions, or being completely present in the here and now is a very desirable habit to develop. Then you will surprise yourself at how you can remain calm in spite of whatever happens around you.

How to bring in the total awareness

Usually when we are doing one thing, our mind wanders to other areas of life. Our job is to catch the mind doing that. Then nothing needs to be done. Once you look squarely at the new thought that has crept in, it loses its hold on you and fades away. Gradually you  will be able to achieve your objective. This transformation will take its own time, but it is worth the effort. 

Serbia- stealing my heart

This travelogue is very different from all others I have written so far. It is more about serenity of the place and peaceful and contented nature of the local people. This trip was not as much to explore the place, but more of a family reunion. We decided to have a relaxed stay for ten days, with some minor touring around.

We reached the place where we had booked for stay in Belgrade at 2.05 pm. We were supposed to meet the contact person at 2 o’clock. There was nobody to be seen near the building. Looking at the name boards, we pressed the bell of an apartment owner; the lady’s name had a similar surname as our contact person. She responded and though they were not related to each other, knowing our situation, she told she was coming down. She brought her mobile phone with her, called up the number and talked to him. He told he expected we would call the moment we arrived Belgrade airport and since it would take us 15 minutes to reach the apartment, which was the same time needed for him also to reach, he would have started then. He requested us to wait for 15 minutes, and was very apologetic when he arrived. He gave the key and briefed us about the locality and surroundings.

The local market

After taking a short rest, we walked to the nearby local market. It was a delight to see a wide variety of vegetables, salad leaves, and dry fruits.

We bought many seeds like pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, chia seeds, hazel nuts and Brazilian nuts. That shop owner became our friend as on most of  the days during our 10 days stay, we bought from him.

A balanced view of life

My daughters cooked European dishes for lunch, along with amazing salads. After lunch, siesta, and tea in the evening, we would visit the children’s park nearby. It was a heart warming sight to see many parents (both mother and father) bring their children to the park and spending time with them. We got talking to them and a lady told, ‘We don’t believe in spending whole life running after money and name/fame. We enjoy our family life and bringing up kids.’

One thing that really did upset me was watching pregnant mothers with toddlers smoking cigarettes. Smoking was quite prevalent there.

In general, people seemed to be peaceful and contented. Whenever we asked for any help, like road directions, they took time to explain things with smiling faces.

Total relaxation for body, mind and spirit

We had decided to spend the ten days leisurely, without running around too much for sightseeing. Coming back from the park, after having dinner of local fruits, there used to be spiritual discussions, some chanting and meditation before sleep.

Local friends

I had contacted three people on couch surfing, just to meet up and have exchange of views. One of them came to meet us at 2 pm one day, and we ended up having a great time till 8 pm. She said that one of her friends who works in Florida was on vacation in Belgrade and would love to meet us. At 6 pm, we went out to meet her at the river side, which was a serene place, with many bushes and beautiful rose flowers. 

After having coffee together, the Florida friend invited us to her house the next morning and requested to give her a Reiki healing.

A Serbian astrologer

On the next day we went to her house and gave Reiki healing. She said she would like us to meet her ‘Jyotishi’ friend and fixed the meeting over lunch. The ‘Jyotishi’ friend was a very knowledgeable person and it was a pleasure meeting him and having discussion on astrology and healing. He mentioned about his impending trip to Rishikesh in India.

The National museum of Serbia

Of course we did some sightseeing too. A visit to the National museum was very satisfying. The National Museum of Serbia is the largest and oldest museum in Serbia and former Yugoslavia. It is located in the central zone of Belgrade on a square plot between the Republic Square, formerly Theatre Square, and three streets: Čika Ljubina, Vasina and Laze Pačua. Its main facade is on the Republic Square.

The museum was established on 10 May 1844. It moved into the present building in 1950, with the grand opening of the venue on 23 May 1952. Since its founding, the museum's collection has grown to over 400,000 objects, including many foreign masterpieces. After being closed for renovation for 15 years, the museum was re-opened to the public on 28 June 2018. We were lucky that we visited during August 2018.

The museum’s new permanent exhibition is spread over three levels and covers a chronological period from the Paleolithic era to the 20th century.  We got to see some awesome paintings there. What impressed us most was a veiled woman’s bust, carved in marble.

                                                            

                                                            Marble carving 'The Veil'

Belgrade Fortress

Belgrade Fortress, consists of the old citadel and Kalemegdan Park on the confluence of the River Sava and Danube, in an urban area of modern Belgrade, the capital of Serbia. It is located in Belgrade's municipality of Stari Grad. It is the most visited tourist attraction in Belgrade.

Belgrade’s Military Museum is located in Kalemegdan, one can see all the tanks outside. 

Established back in 1878, the museum is home to more than 3000 artefacts covering violence from the Roman times to the modern day, including an in-depth look at the NATO aggression of 1999. 

Knez Mihailova Street   

This street, named after a Serbian prince, oozes charm and is lined with historic buildings. Less than a mile long, the street dates back to the Ottoman days, though it never really came into its own until the 19th century when the wealthy started building homes here.

We took leisurely walk along this street twice during our stay in Belgrade. 

Skadarlija Street

This street is just 400 meters (1,340 feet) long, but it’s the most famous street in Belgrade. Located in the Old Town, it connects Despot Stefan Boulevard with Dusanova Street. The street is lined with vintage buildings.

                                                     A beautiful building on the street

With a bohemian atmosphere, Skadarlija Street is considered Belgrade’s version of Montmartre in Paris. It was known as the Gypsy quarter in the 19th century, and is a place where poets gather for Skadarlija Evenings at the house of the late poet Dura Jaksic. 

We had to cross this street many times and it was always a joyful walk.

Jevremovac Botanical Garden 

It is the second most visited natural monument in Serbia, and is an urban oasis near the city center. This is the first botanical garden in Serbia, founded in 1874 by the Ministry of Education of the Kingdom of Serbia, at the proposal of Josif Pančić, who was its first manager. In 1889, King Milan Obrenović donated the estate (inherited from his grandfather named Jevrem) to the Great School in Belgrade for the purpose of construction of the Botanical Garden, provided it is named “Jevremovac”. It exists to this day at the same location and under the same name.

There are about 2,500 plant species in the Botanical Garden, covering an area of 5 hectares, including: Glass Garden, Japanese Garden, library, herbarium, open areas, Administrative Building, auditoriums and labs. The special value of the Botanical Garden in Belgrade is the Great Glass Garden, which was transported in 1892  from Dresden.

                                                                The Glass Garden

The Japanese garden is an extraordinary place which was made for easy walking and meditation. In the center of various plants lies the lake. It is fascinating that the creators managed to draw water from 90 meters to make this pond natural. This extremely beautiful area combines stone, water and plants in the symbolic arrangement and harmony of the ancient eastern tradition.

 The Botanical Garden and the Botanical Institute, to which it belongs, represent a teaching-scientific unit of the Faculty of Biology, with more than 1,500 students of elementary, master and PhD studies.

Eating out

We loved the food in the three restaurants that we ate. Homa restaurant was recommended by a friend, it was a little expensive. La Vash was situated in a very beautiful locality. 

                                                      View from La Vash restaurant

Do mothers need to be their sons’ enemies?

When I hear mothers saying,’ My life’, ‘My lifeline’, ‘Mypurpose of life’ etc., about their sons, I know in my heart that it is the recipe for destruction of the sons’ lives. Surprisingly, I don’t hear same thing about daughters, may be they are supposed to belong to another family after marriage. Usually it is ‘My princess’. Even this is dangerous, unless it is explained to the child that ‘You are princess for me, but in the world, you are just another human being, like everyone else.’

It is critical to understand that ‘Children come through us, but they don’t belong to us’. It is a responsibility that Nature bestows, to raise a balanced human being, for 16 to 18 years. Then it is time to see a child as another human being with his/her own life path to choose, to make his/her own destiny.

There are many mothers who like to tie sons to their apron strings.  They don’t want the sons to be self reliant, but love them to be dependent on mothers so that they can experience a sense of worthiness. Such mothers take pride in saying, ‘My son doesn’t even take water himself to drink, I serve him’, or ‘My son doesn’t even know how to prepare tea’.

At your service, my son

My friend had gone for a week to spend time with her married daughter. On coming back, she washed all the dirty clothes of her bachelor son that he had worn for the week. I told her, ‘This is how you sow the seeds to create friction in your son’s life. After his marriage when his wife goes to her parent’s house for a week, do you expect her to wash his one week’s soiled clothes on coming back? Especially if she is a working wife?’ She just smiled and brushed it off. Another friend of mine used to give full body oil massage and bath for her teenage son on Sundays.

Once the son is married, mother wants to retain her control over the son. Many are not ready to give the daughters-in-law their rights as a wives. I am surprised to see that this is prevalent even in educated and high class society. So the mothers start getting so many diseases, one after the other so that the son has to spend time and give attention to her requirements. In such case, the mothers never seem to become totally healthy. When one problem is solved, another pops up immediately. Or the same problem never gets solved. Being an alternative therapist, I get to see many cases like this.

Take backstage, gracefully

Quite often, sons are torn between their wives and mothers. They lose their mental peace, sound sleep and may get health problems. They need to realise that when mothers are not happy, it is just their mental attitude. If they think that by their actions, mothers will become happy, it is never going to happen. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t care for their mothers. They should perform whatever duties they are supposed to be doing, but just not be bothered if mothers are still unhappy or keep complaining.

Life with mother in the central stage is a phase in life. The remaining part of his life is to be spent with wife. So after marriage, the mother’s place has to be backstage.

The healthy family equation

An important fact children need to be made aware of is that parents are the main unit of the family and children are just part of the family. But this is seldom seen in today’s nuclear families, especially in single child families!

The marriage dilemma

A smart 30 something girl approached me a few weeks back. She wanted to know whether we accommodate paying guests. In the area where we live, almost every house has tenants. Since peaceful atmosphere is very important to us and we sleep early, we decided from the beginning against this practice.

She was an interesting person and we got into a conversation. That is when I came to know that she belongs to Belgaum and lives with her parents.

“Then why do you want to shift?” I asked, thinking that her work place may be quite far from her parent’s house.

Why should I get married?

“They are after me very badly to get married, and I am not interested. Tell me aunty, why should I get married? I am earning, I travel alone, and I can do whatever I wish to. Then why should I be accommodating all the tantrums of an MCP, along with daily torture from the MIL. This is what I get to hear from my married colleagues.”

I didn’t have an immediate answer, but it put me to thinking. A week later, a client asked me, “Why should I get married?”

By the time I had gone through some thinking process, and also, I was expected to give an answer to her.

I said to her, “First and foremost, one should not marry just for the sake of marrying. If someone comes along and you fall in love, that is a good reason to marry. If one loves and respects himself/herself so much that the heart is overflowing with love, then that love needs to be shared and marriage is a good option. Keep in mind, a lady should be ready for mothering if marriage has to last because men have the mental age of 13 years (this was told to me by a middle aged Swedish dentist in 1992, and when I looked around, seemed to be making sense) and they need mothering.”

I added the mothering concept in my answer because many young wives have complained to me of their frustration with their husbands’ need for mothering.

She was happy with my answer. Girls not willing to get married is a very prevalent situation now.

Love is not receiving, but giving

In the older generations, there was a sense of surrender, from both the man and the woman. It does not mean that either of them was in total surrender every second in their lives. It is my belief that if at least once one has not experienced the feeling of total surrender to their partner, they have not been in love.

Today’s stress on self love has gone to another extreme. One is not ready to sacrifice even an iota of convenience for the partner. It is always ‘What am I getting from this relationship?’ and not, ‘What can I do to sustain this relationship? What can I do to make my partner happy?’

“I”, “My life” syndrome

We, ladies have worn pants and acquired many of masculine qualities, but men have not worn saris and taken up feminine qualities (Just in a lighter vein, my observation of the many clients I get to see). As women are doing much more in so many areas of life, they expect men also to do many things that were not common in the earlier generations. They still want to retain the male supremacy. When both husband and wife come back home after a hard day’s work, he can sit and relax in front of the TV, and wife is supposed to finish all the household chores. This cannot go on forever. Friction starts and they decide to part their ways.

For sustaining the relationship, both have to be ready to forget the ‘My life’ and accommodate ‘Our life’.

Sanskara of the family

For arranged marriages, the sanskara of the families used to be a criterion. The girl’s parents looked for a boy from a family with superior or similar sanskara. In love marriages this is rarely considered. Also in current arranged marriages, this is never thought of. Girls are looking for prospective husbands' bank balance and whether his parents are no longer alive.

In such cases, moral values like truth and honesty may be in the character of the wife, but not of the husband. Having the acquired assertive nature, the wife may then refuse to abandon her character. That leads to extreme tension leading to separation.

Advice to girls’ parents

For Indian parents, it is very painful to see their adult daughters remain unmarried. They need to realize that times have changed. Getting them married just for the sake of marriage is not wise. I have come across many cases of separation and a lot of girls who can’t muster the courage for separation going through hell, anxiety disorders, depression, and varied physical ailments.

If your daughter wants to spend her life alone, support her decision. Her mental balance and peace are more important. Tomorrow if she comes across a person to whom she is willing to give her heart, help her in her judgment.

Sanskara, Food, and Parents

I put the following message on facebook.com:

“Our food is made up of five elements, so when we consume it, it nourishes the physical body with the elements. It can nourish the soul only if it is cooked with love and a peaceful attitude.

Sanskara from the person cooking is transferred to the one eating that food. So if mothers want their children to develop sanskara from them (instead of the maid's sanskara), they need to cook for their kids “ along with a beautiful video presentation on Satvik cooking workshop. 

And I got a relevant question, “What about sanskara from father??”

A mother’s role

A mother’s role is primary in shaping the child’s character; father’s role is only secondary. Simply because Nature designed it that way. The child is attached by the umbilical cord to the mother, not the father. During the nine months of intrauterine life, it experienced every emotion that the mother was going through. Yes, of course it experiences the father’s emotions also. For example when I take my clients through the intrauterine life during past life regression, they remark,’ My father is shouting at my mother’ or, ‘My father is hugging my mother.’

But the connection with the mother is 24/7, it is not the same with the father. Even when the umbilical cord is cut after the birth to end the physical connection with the mother, ethereal umbilical cord exists for the life time. That is why I advise mothers not to worry about their children, it can have adverse effect on them. When they trust and have faith in their kids, they can excel in whatever they do.

Parents used to be one unit

In earlier days, when a girl was married, she got integrated into the husband’s family. She took the husband’s surname, and in many instances, even her first name was changed, to denote her new birth. It used to be the custom for the bride to touch her parents-in- law’s feet every day morning, and before sleep, she used to press and massage the feet of her mother-in-law. By doing this, she was imbibing the sanskara of her husband’s family. 

So when the mother cooked food for the children, it was sanskara of the family (both mother and father) that was being transferred to the child. Earlier, when alliance for a girl was seen, the sanskara of the family used to be one important criterion, to see that the girl goes to a family with superior sanskara or at least similar sanskara.

Father’s sanskara?

In the absence of acquisition of the sanskara of the husband’s family by the wife, it is only the mother’s sanskaras that will be transferred to the child. So, how can the father make sure his sanskaras are also transferred? By giving time to the child, by having open conversations, and by actively participating in the day to day happenings in the child’s life.

Here we have to remember, providing “quality time” doesn’t work. That concept is an eye wash; you can just satisfy your mind that you are participating in the child rearing, nothing more than that. 

Or better, the father can cook during weekends. This can give a much needed rest for a working wife, who also does the full cooking. At least one meal per week can be cooked by the father, and if he can involve his son also in the process, he is ensuring a better husband and father of tomorrow!