An Ishta-Devata is the personal deity with whom a devotee feels the greatest affinity, or the God whose distinct gifts are most needed by the worshiper to help with a specific problem or desire. I have been practicing puja and chanting mantras since childhood. Starting around age ten, I took on the duty of lighting the diya (lamp) in our puja space, chanting simple mantras alongside my younger siblings. Over the years, I have felt guided by Higher Forces toward specific mantras and rituals.
Like different programs in the computer
At different stages in my life, I’ve worshiped different deities for specific purposes, much like using different programs on a computer. For instance, we open Word to write or PowerPoint to create presentations; similarly, I turn to different deities based on my needs. Worshiping Goddess Saraswati helps with focus, memory, and academic success. Chanting the Hanuman Chalisa dispels fear and instils courage.
Durga Ma from early childhood
Our family temple is dedicated to Goddess Durga, and from a young age, every Sunday morning, my father would take us all to a Devi temple. Later, I developed a strong connection with Lord Shiva and, for years now, I find myself saying “Shivane” (the Malayalam way to address Lord Shiva) throughout my day.
My Ishtadev(i)?
Recently, I came across the concept of an Ishtadev and began to wonder who my Ishtadev is. As always, I asked the Universe for a sign. Yesterday morning, on our way to yoga, I noticed a small bird resting in a hole in the wall. An hour later, as we returned in daylight, the bird had turned to face the opposite direction and flew away upon seeing us. I took this as a clear message: my Ishtadevi is a Goddess. The bird seemed to have fulfilled its purpose by delivering the message and did not return today morning.
Shivane to Shivani
Yet, I still felt some confusion. If my Ishtadevi is Durga, why do I always say “Shivane”? When I shared this dilemma with a loved one, she suggested, “Just change it to ‘Shivani.’” Curious, I looked up the name “Shivani,” and to my amazement, it is indeed a name for Goddess Durga. At that moment, all confusion faded away.
Finally, the Mysterious Ring of Smoke
While performing the Havan for Durga at dusk, a curious thing happened: a perfect ring of smoke rose from the Havan kund and drifted toward me, dissipating gently against my face. I was stunned—nothing like this had ever happened before. Had I been alone, I might have dismissed it as a mere illusion, but my husband saw it too!
